Angeles Arrien

Self-Acceptance

"When I see I am nothing, that is wisdom.
When I see I am everything, that is love.
My life is a movement between these two."

-Nisargadatta Maharaj

Affirming Ourselves Just As We Are

Our healthy self-esteem increases when we are able to affirm ourselves just as we are. Do this by affirming yourself in the following ways:

I look at myself and my life without fear of what I may see or what I may find I have to work on. I look at myself without censure, blame, or shame, but with a sense of accountability for any ways I have hurt others, and I make amends. I accept myself as I am without an attachment to fixing, changing, or controlling my natural inclinations and attributes. I let go of any attachment to the outcome of what is happening in my life right now, or what will happen in my life in the future. I allow myself to live in accord with my deepest needs and wishes. I love myself as I am and take care of myself. I pay attention to my body and what it tells me about myself and the joys and stresses of my circumstances. I am free of fear and craving. I share with others the gifts I receive. May all beings have happiness because of my work, my gifts, and my practice... 

The Lojong teachings of Tibetan Buddhism, designed in the 12th century by Geshe Langri Tangpa summarized Buddhist concepts. The central point of these teachings is contained in this statement: 'whenever others...revile and treat me in other unjust ways, may I accept this defeat myself, and offer the victory to others.' By cultivating compassion and by overcoming the illusion of an independent self, we can love in such a humble way. Here is a summary of the Lojong teachings. Read each statement aloud, with meditative pauses every day:

* May I consider all beings precious.
* May I always respect others as superior while maintaining self-esteem.
* May I face my inner darkness and turn it to good.
* May I be moved with compassion for the pain behind the spite others may show me.
* When I am hurt by others, may I forgo retaliation while always fighting injustice.
* May I reckon those who betray me as sacred teachers.
* May I offer joy to all beings and secretly take on their suffering.
* May all beings and I be free from ego concerns of loss and gain."

--How to be an Adult in Relationship: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo, pgs. 197-198.

 

Practices

• During the month of September, read the Affirming Ourselves Just As We Are paragraph at the beginning and end of each day. Notice during the day how much you stay in self-acceptance and what triggers your moving out of self-acceptance. 

• Take two of the Lojong teachings and work with them for a week. At the end of the month, you will have worked all eight (two each week).        

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